Friday, April 6, 2018

Love and everything else

She had another sip of the black tea and peeped outside. It was raining and Shary loved every moment of it. His eyes appeared out of nowhere in the rain,and it haunted her so much. Everytime she closed hers, it brought back the one and only moment they had talked. She said, "Thank you Rahul, thank you for all the memories." He smiled and had walked past her.

She sat down near the laptop where a couple of papers were kept ready to be signed. A resignation letter from the job she loved and found sanity in. But the other one was an unexplored arena. She had decided to confront her worst nightmare. Teaching. The Interview had gone well, but she was still skeptical whether it would work out or not. But there weren't as many options. It was a village and he had moved back to home. She just had to be there. 

Its been four years after college. Each time she would open her laptop , she would end up landing on his profile page. The pictures he posted. His paintings, his photography, the places he ventured, his dog. Of course, she never sent a message. Her fault. She always thought. What would he think of a girl who followed him through the college years and still kept checking him out in FB. Stalker? Will he ever like her. Its not that she hadn't tried to move on. But only to be reminded by Akash that she still loved him.

Even she could never answer when her friends had questioned her, what exactly made her love him. She just knew when he walked past her or even his glances were enough to have the butterflies in her stomach. She was literally enchanted. He was not even in her class. She wouldn't even get to see him everyday. But that never really bothered her. Many a times, she had tried to dismiss the feeling as infatuation. But even after four years , she couldn't.

But she had to express her love. He was in her every single tear drop. He was there when she was alone. He was there when she was in a crowd. The heaviness in her heart could only go away if she could go up to him and say that she loved him, more than anybody in the world. She just wanted him to lend his ears for what she had to say and nothing else.


Shary walked up to the group of middle aged women  in the park. She was with her PG aunty. No girl at her age was anywhere near to be seen. Some were already married off and the rest were in the cities. Who would want to hang out in a small village. But here she was in search of her love. Her aunty introduced her to the rest of the group. Mrs. Iyer, the leader of the group, Mrs. Anand the gossip girl, Mrs. Krishnan who is always whining about her sons marriage and  Mrs. Mehta, whose malayalam was as good as a 2 year old.

She liked the gang and was a frequent visitor to the park after the working hours. She would hang out with them. And visited the local temples and kitty parties with them. She would help all of them arrange those parties, help them in cooking, gardening, their social networking also.  In fact she had become one of them. But for her, hanging out with them was a legit reason to explore the village and find Rahul.  But then being friends with middle aged women came with its cons. Every other day, she would have to answer to their questions as to why she is not getting married. Event hough she liked Mrs. Krishnan, she kind of kept a distance from her because all she had to say was about her son's marriage. She would always make an excuse whenever she was invited to Mrs. Krishnan's house.

Days passed by but she couldn't find a trace of him. She was losing her hope. Sometimes when she felt low, she would call Akash. He was the one who asked asked her to pursue her love. He would talk her through and put her mood right. And she would be back in the game.

And then one day, while everybody were sitting in the park, Mrs. Krishnan came up in a hurry and said, " My son's marriage is fixed. The girl' s family has agreed." " Wow, Sudha aunty, congrats . That's a great news. Aunty, we deserve a treat. " said Shary, equally excited hearing that news. Eventhough she never saw Mrs. Krishnan's son, she liked how much vocal she was about her son. She also loved the thing that Sudha aunty always mentioned him as "her son" and not even once said his name. "Yeah, of course, you all have to come to my house. They have sent the girl's photo in my son's mobile. Come."

Everybody walked to Mrs. Krishnan's house. The house was packed with relatives " We just came from Sreedevi's house. They called as soon as we reached here.Oh ! I am so happy. You know she is really pretty, just like our Shary.", said Sudha. Turning to Shary, " Shary , you haven't seen my son no. Come inside. He is your age only. But for his horsocope problem, we would not have seeked alliance at such an early age. " Sudha held Shary's hands and walked inside the hall . She was calling , " Monae, look who is here."

At that instant Shary felt the ground slipping under her feet. Everything she did , everything she thought, everything she wanted till now was coming down to a closure.Because it was Rahul who walked into the living room. And her search had end on a day when his marriage was fixed. She felt the pressure of the tears in the eyes , slowly covering her pupil. The images were beginning to get blurry. She could hardly hide her tears. Turning to Rahul she offered a handshake, "Congratulations, Rahul". Sudha was surprised. " Do you guys know each other?". Rahul nodded, " Shary is a classmate ,Amma."

Two days she couldn't get out of her bed. She was crying her ass out. Akash would call her every hour to see if she is okay. But she wasn't . But eventually he convinced her that fate had another way. And that she couldn't cry forever over a person not meant to be with her. She had to pick up courage and face the inevitable. Eventhough her heart had decided to shutdown service, she decided that she could work with her mind. She started going to college and ended up doing all the office works also just to get engaged. 

One day, she was walking from her college to her house, when his car passed by. Sudha peeped outside the window , "Why so late, Shary?" " There was some office work, Aunty" "Come na, we will drop you at home." Although she hesistated first, she decided she had to confront the reality and got into the car. "Monae, drop us at our house first, and you drop Shary at Mithila's house."

"How long have you been here? " Asked Rahul, after he had dropped his mom and dad. 
" About 7 months", Shary was trying to sound normal.
"Its village and we are living just a kilometer apart . Still we didn't meet . For 7 months . Strange.", he said.
" Destiny, may be," she murmured.
" You were in Bangalore , right. Why did you come here?"
"I always wanted to teach." She said unappealing. Even he could make out that it was a lie.

That night Rahul couldn't sleep. He always remembered Shary as the girl who shouted his name loud as her crush. He did have feelings for her, but was hesitant to approach her because he knew he would be teased by his  friends. Moreover, she was exuberant. She was outward. He always thought what she did during the college was something just for fun. He assumed that in these four years she might have moved on with her life. But never ever he thought that she was so serious about him, so serious that she even came to his village. Why would she do that for a man who didn't even give her a second look. 


Next evening, when he saw her in the supermarket, he went up to her and started talking. He had decided to give  friendship a chance. She atleast deserved that , if not his love. He enquired about her teaching. She said it was going good. The students were all good and its kind of more relaxing than the corporate job. He talked about his job in Mumbai and why he came back. He could never leave this place. This is where his heart was. Even though it was difficult for Shary, she even enquired about the wedding preparations. Shary was not hoping to convince him about her love as it was too late. But this was the guy whom she was head over heels for. She couldn't avoid talking to him. This was one thing she yearned for the entire college life. Just to be with him. And now here he was, but she can't have him. But she gave in to the fate, whatever it was.

Their conversation wandered on to different topics. Their college days. The rumours back in those days. Their mutual and not so mutual friends.  His likes and dislikes. Her like and dislikes. They were so amused to find out that there was so much in common. They had the same taste in music, movies, books. They both loved Football, Brasil, Barcelona and Ronaldinho. Both wondered why they didn't even talk during their college. Because if they had, they would have definitely been friends.

After that they were seeing each other a lot . And were talking also.  When they were not talking, they were texting each other. Sometimes they would just walk in the rain and go to the thattukada to have black tea and parippuvada. They would watch the local football games together. Enjoyed movies of Mohanlal together. She was okay with he ogling girls even when she was around. It didn't take much time for him to understand that they were meant for each other.

But there was something unsettling about all this. He had made a commitment and his parents and all his relatives were happy about that. And he didn't want to do anything that would hurt them. But on other side, it was Shary. The girl who left everything to be with him. Whose love he could blindly believe in.


He believed he could talk about this to his mom. She had always been the one to hear his emotions and was his pillar of strength. Little did he know that his parents were all aware of the changes happening to their son. One day, when they were sitting down for a tea, Rahul decided to talk to his mom.
"Amma, I wanted to tell you something."
"Tell me dear"
" Amma, you know that Shary and I were classmates , right?"
" Yeah, you told me that day."
"Amma, I  ..... She is a very  nice girl "
" Yeah she is... Infact we were discussing about that this morning also. I want Sreedevi to be exactly like Shary."
"But, all these days  I didn't have the courage to tell you one thing"
"Don't hesitate dear. I'm your mom. You can tell me anything."
"I used to have a huge crush on Shary during college days. She was always like this mom. Making everybody happy. Helping friends. I used to love whatever she did. I loved her smile. Her hair. Her eyes. I thought I would make a fool of myself if I went and asked her to love me.  And that's why i never approached her"
" Amma, Now when I am friends with her, I know that we have so much in common. We could talk to each other day in and day out. She likes both of you guys. She is perfect for our house. "
"Monae, I know she is the right girl for this house. But its a bit late to approach her parents."

Sudha thought for a moment and said," You know what, you don't worry. I will discuss with your dad. And there is always a way out."

She went straight to her husband and they discussed. All  their relatives had known about the wedding. They were about to fix a date for the wedding. But they didn't want their son to be unhappily married and that too infront of his love. And Shary was the kind of girl, they were looking for in their daughter in law.

Later in the evening , Rahul's dad came upto him and said, "You don't worry about Sreedevi. We will sort that out. We are happy that you want to get married to Shary. We will talk to her parents" Rahul hugged his dad in happiness. "Wait, Rahul ... did you ask Shary about this?" "No , I haven't dad" replied Rahul. " Better do that first and let us know, " said his dad smiling.

It was raining again. Shary had forgot to take the umbrella and couldn't risk with the text books in her hand. Shary took shelter in the nearby bus stop when it began raining really hard. Just then her phone beeped. "Where are you?", Rahul. She replied. After a few minutes, she saw him coming in his bike drenched in rain. 
"Do you want a ride?" he asked.
"But its raining"
"So what , its an awesome feeling. Come on na."
"But , everybody will see us".
"I am not asking for a ride just for today, Shary. I want to ride you home everyday . To our home. Will you come?"
She sat there on the bench. Her words caught on her throat.
Rahul stepped inside and kneeled down infront of her.
" I know , I have been an asshole. Not to understand your love through out college. And you had to come all the way here to make me realise that. Man! How stupid I was.
"You better know that". She snapped on his hands with the book in her hand.
"Ouch... But ... I am not anymore. I want to love you more than you could ever  love me."
"I don't think you can do that. Not more than me," She said.
"You are the person whom I want to wake up with. You are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep. You are the one I want to laugh with. To cry with. You are the one I want to kiss. To hug. You are the one I want to make love to. Have kids with "
" Two . Boy and a girl". She was already kneeling .
" Actually I was thinking of two girls exactly like you. But yeah, it works."
He took her hands and got up.
" The thing is that I don't want to spend even a second without you on my side. I don't want to think of a life without you. I want to grow up with you and grow old with you..... And finally Ms. Shary Venugopal, will you be kind enough to marry Mr. Rahul Krishnan?"

Shary was speechless. All she could do was to do nod her head. He hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead "Can we go for a ride?". She smiled.
She sat on the back seat. Put her hands around him. Slightly leaned and put her face on the back of his shoulder. Her tears disappeared along with the rain drops falling on her face.  Their worlds were turning around and they were happy about it.

Thursday, March 8, 2018

The elusive writer

It was the breeze. Fresh air into the soul. Smirking just paved way to smiles and smiles to laughs. The grass , the trees , the cattle, the fields every one waved at her. Trains are noisy, but the cribbing was pulling her to the flashes from her past.

"I don't know what to answer, but this day is changing everything about us," he texted her back. She called him.It was midnight. Everyone in the room were talking in hushed voices. She also synced into the surroundings although all she wanted to do was to shout from the rooftop. She had fallen in love. 

"Hi, there" 
"What's your name"
He knelt down.
"Anna, I love you". 
And the seniors giggled. It was just ragging. And she played along. When the bell rang, it was time for their first sessions. She had walked away but soon found he was following her. They were going to the same class.
"You didn't tell me your name", she asked.
"Now that I have proposed to you, I guess, you could call me Prince Charming. Just kidding... Rahul." 

"I am sorry Rahul. But this is not working out. I thought we could do it. We are always fighting. The things we used to admire in each other are the things we now hate. We are drifting apart in this single room. When you are early, I am late. I am not there for your success party. And you had to attend a client when I was fired from my job. All of us want a shoulder to cry on. But we are not there for each other. " She was listing all the explanation she had planned in her mind. 
He was teary eyed. So was she. " I guess, we were better as friends".

She had been crying all day in his room. Boxes of half- eaten pastries, chocolates , pizzas were all lying on the floor. Nothing could console her. When he came back.
" Why are you always going out ? I don't want anything to eat. I want you to sit by my side," She shouted.
Just as he sat there on the couch , she started crying again ," He dumped me.....".
" I can understand that. What I can't understand is that why are you still crying over that as if it happened yesterday. It was 2 months back."
" But still,"
"It happens Anna. Life is meant to be like that. Everyone goes through these things ". And she knew it was true.

It was last of all the cans. He knew she couldn't be any less sober. She was done counting the mistakes she made in the math board exam paper 7 years ago. Also was the number of times she had passed out after parties. She was counting the number of her ex-boyfriends now. 
"Why do boys don't like me?, You tell me, Rahul. You are a boy. You should know the reason."
"Its not like that Anna,"
"You and I have been together for so many years. Why didn't you ever think of me as your girlfriend. Am I a behenji?"
"Shut up, Rahul. Even you , my friend, don't like me. How can I ask anyone else to like me".
She was high as hell. She was weeping again. 
"Shut up you"
"Shut up...." And she felt his mouth on her lips. He was kissing her. He had always wanted to tell her how he felt about her. But she was the one who was not around. She kissed him back. 
"I didn't mean to take any advantage. But I never could have got the courage to tell how much I love you. How I always wanted to tell you that no one but I was right for you. You were the one who never thought of me as your boyfriend. " And then there was the silence.
She got down at her building and he drove back. All the beer cans she emptied had whatsoever no effect on her. She pulled out her cellphone. Texted him, " Are you in love with me ?"

And the final thought.

The train had arrived. She was rushing through the crowd when suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. She was turning around all ready to snap whoever it was, but then she stopped . It was Rahul. " You in a rush?" . She smiled and hugged him. " Hey bud, I am so sorry yaar. I have to catch this train. Will ping later."

When she was finally settled in her seat. She pulled her phone. One notification.
 Mail from Rahul K.
Sub:- Hi. Will call you later. Wanna share something.
Attachment : Wedding Invitation.


Thursday, January 30, 2014

Ananya's Spirituality

Growing up a child is a really big thing. And very hard too. For days you ask her to say chichi when she intends to pee and then one day she starts saying chichi right after peeing, you feel that your efforts have not gone in vain. You are so..o happy.

Have you heard of this? When new-borns smile in their sleep, it is said that God had secretly whispered some joke in their ears and that's why they are smiling. Such a cute thing na. I had started showing Ananya how to pray when she was 4 months old. So every night when we would finally go to our room which is upstairs  I  would ask her to touch the two idols kept on the corners of the staircase and then say her prayers rhymingly.
  Thambaayi..amuthine kaathurakshikane
   sothumuthine kaathurakshikane
   oru kedum koodathe varuthane
   rogam vannaal vegam bedhamaaki tharane
* Oh God, please always save my amuth, please save my sothumuth, let her never have any disease and if she has any disease please cure her as fast as possbile*

I dont remember when she started understanding these words. One day she started smiling when she heard these prayers. And then when I made her to hold her palms together, she held it together until the end of the prayer. She has been doing it ever since.

Today Ananya 'prays' everytime she sees lamps or portraits of Gods. And she never gets tired of it. She even reminds me to touch those idols in the staircase lest I forget it. And I found out that almost all the kids react in a similar fashion to "Gods". Maybe today they don't understand the meaning of Spiritualiy but they are the only ones who turn to God with the same purity everytime. They really love God. We, adults, have a lot to learn from them. Isn't it?

P.S. :-I really thought that I would be writing my first fiction as the next post. But it seems that fiction is not my cup of tea.