Saturday, March 9, 2013

She has arrived...the love of my life

"Prajitha, it's a girl", the Doc said.
"Mole (beti), it's a girl", the nurse near me repeated.
Tears rolled out my eyes. Half because I was happy and half because I could only vaguely see her. My -5.0 sight only allowed so much. I muttered, "thanks".

It was only after an hour or so that I saw her properly. Tears rolled through my eyes again. She was the one whom we longed for. She has come into our lives after almost two and half years. After a lot of prayers. A wee bit from heaven. The love of our lives. Ananya.

At first sight, Ananya was all A. Her nose, her lips were all his. A and me, we both have small eyes and so did Ananya. And her small ears were surely mine. But on the whole, she was a lot closer to A. She was keeping her fingers open and not folded which was how I thought newborns would do . She had so less hair that I thought God actually planned for a boy and later on changed it. I gently kissed her forehead. Must say Johnson's have become so influential in every mother's life. There wasn't any other place I wanted to kiss her for the first time.

Now after 3 months, some say she looks like me, some say she she looks like A. One thing is confirmed - that she definitely doesn't look like how she used to look on the first day. She has completely changed. Going through sleepless nights, I now understand that how much so ever you prepare over your pregnancy, each day with your child is a surprising one, you learn a new lesson everyday.

But the most important lessons are the ones I learned during the time I was carrying her. I conceived after almost 1 and 3/4 years of marriage, almost 2 years. I know how it feels like when you know that people sympathise behind your back and sometimes laugh too. To how many persons should I go and explain that we hadn't lived together enough because of his shippie job. He had sailed for almost a year(two times combined) after our marriage before I conceived Ananya. I know how it feels like loosing one eventhough the happiness was just a week old. Not even confirmed. We both carried the pain for eight months not having each other's shoulder to cry on. He had gone sailing right after. I will never ever hurt the feelings of others just because I got a child. For some it might be their choice, who am I to question them? For some it might be their sadness, I will never be a sadist to dug their wounds.

Moving on .. the nine months of pregnancy is the one you really can cherish. People always on the lookout to help you. Every of your relatives and non-relatives come ask for your health and bring you sweets and fruits. Suddenly you have become more important. And people give you so many advices during your pregnancy and after delivery. Do this. Do that. Some are good. But most of the time you feel like going up straight to the lady and twist her arms and say if you ever advise me again, I am so..o gonna kill you. But then in reality, you just nod. Losing temper is not good for your child. And one more thing, a beautiful pregnant woman is a complete myth. Even your face gets inflated like a balloon. So how could you look charming.

Anyways I still haven't got out of the excitment . I still feel overwhelmed. I still wonder how this tiny little thing was there in my belly all the time. Her smiling. Her crying. It amazes me every time. I try to make her laugh and when she smiles, I'm all happy. I feel elated when she identifies me as her mom. She's all funny,you know. The way she does so many things, I have a lot to write about. It would take a whole new post. Next time.